Multi-week seminar on Caring for Aging Parent

                 Wednesday Night Class

            CARING FOR AGING PARENTS

                  6:30 P.M. TO 7:30 P.M.

             Second Presbyterian Church

This class includes presentations dealing with spiritual needs of the caregiver and parent:  health issues faced by aging parents: determining when alternative living arrangements are necessary; managing the burden of care giving; responding to the emotional needs of parents; assessing alternative care arrangements; financial and legal considerations relating to parental care.

Schedule of Classes

Jan. 13                        Managing finances of parents and financial planning –

                                    Randy Flatt CLU AEP CLTC 746-6363    

                                    jflatt@financialguide.com

Jan. 20                        Caring for the Caregiver--Developing coping skills, particularly patience.

                                    Learning to navigate the health care system and avoid burnout.  Pat Smith   

                                     P.C.  Aging Life Care Specialist, Senior Resource Consultants  262-5425 

                                     patsmith8080@gmail.com

Jan. 27                         Legal considerations for aging parents.

                                     Price Morrison. Lawyer         

                                    522-9000  morrisonp@martintate.com   

Feb .3                          Alternative living arrangements and options available in Memphis; nursing homes, assisted living facilities, in-home                                    care and 3^rd party assistance –

                                   Zev Samuels (Ombudsman – Shelby County)

                                    529-4565  zsamuels@mifa.org

Feb.  10                       Managing the burden of care giving; setting boundaries; responsibilities of spouse and children; burnout –

                                  Dr. Paul Neal  PHD Clinical Psychologist Christian Psychological Center  458-6291  pneal@cpcmemphis.net

Feb. 17                        Hospice  What is it? When to call? What are myths about Hospice care?  

                                  Mary Zimmerman  RN, BSN 857-7020 jmzim@gmail.com

Feb. 24                        Coping with declining health; grieving.  Dr. Paul Neal 458-6291 pneal@cpcmemphis.net

Mar. 2                        Health issues faced by aging parents; determining when life style changes are necessary; discussing alternative                                        living arrangements with parents-

                                 Dr. Dana Wright  Internist 726-0200  palintir@aol.com 

Mar. 16                     Five Wishes 

                                 Eleanor Faber JD, LCSW  is the Advance Care Planner for Baptist Memorial Health Care.

                                 226-3372 Eleanor.Faber@bmhcc.org

Mar. 30                     ABCs of Memory Loss- Mariam Clay, Manager of Program and Education  Tennessee Alzheimer’s Association 

                                565-0011     mclay@alz.org

Apr. 6                       How to find the right level of care for aging loved ones. Kathy Brewster  901-752-2561,

                                  kbrewster@village-germantown.com Melissa Rukstad, Healthcare & Wellness Dir., Julie   

                                  Repking, Healthcare Administrator                                                                   

Escaped Monkeys, 12 Step Programs, Tackling Negativity

Aside from an embarrassed zookeeper or the animals rights activists, one of the reasons that the  rest of us were intently following the saga of Zimm (with 1,000+ Twitter followers overnight plus mentions by CBS and NBC) is that there was very little hatred involved. No flags or SCOTUS decisions or boycotts or any of that. How nice. 

I attended a 12 step program meeting last week for the first time.  If you go with a certain attitude, then, yes, the clichés and stereotypes will abound. If you go in with an open mind, it can be a moving and humbling experience…no matter why or how you came to be there. Two things struck me immediately: (1)  everyone, from whatever walk of life, is on an equal footing, attentive and supportive, and (2) there is a big emphasis on making amends, directly or indirectly.  Stop me if you have heard this, but anger, negativity, grudges, derision, and the like are a virtual cancer in the mind &  body of the holder of those things: you may hate someone or something else, but you are the one harmed most over time.

And that’s the other thing: one day at a time – whether alcohol or drugs or negative attitudes. Every day is a new challenge and offers new opportunities, but the key is proactive, intentional change; change in behavior is one way to begat change in attitude & outlook (see last weeks blog).  A fine example is physical activity releasing endorphins.

So until we have more monkeys on the loose, I highly recommend spending your social media time on viral videos of baby goats and cats. And get out of your house just to make sure there isn't a monkey in your yard. You never know!

Two Movies, Two Songs about Starting Over

Theme from the film M*A*S*H:  “Suicide is Painless, it brings on many changes…”  written by Johnny Mandel/Mike Altman and recorded in 1970.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gO7uemm6Yo

From the film The Bells of St Mary’s: “In the land of beginning again…”  written by Grant Clarke/George Mayer in  1919; performed by Bing Crosby 1946. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52Wn8ocU1k8

Suicide is a huge burden on the surviving friends and family, NOT at all painless as the song lyric suggests. But the “bringing on of many changes” makes more sense is light of giving up your old life for a new one, not physically, but in terms of radically changing things – careers, values, friendships, focus.  The Gospel of Luke (14:25-33) and Gospel of Mark (8:34-35) allude to this sort of complete realignment.

Leave it to Bing Crosby to phrase this more happily in song, “The Land of Beginning Again”. This 1919 tune was an overripe chestnut when he got around to recording it in 1946, and yet, it resonates. The land of beginning again is indeed a place that we all need to visit sooner or later and sometimes more than once.

Let’s be honest, if tomorrow holds  no more hope that yesterday or today, if we have seen our best days, then what’s the point of tomorrow?  Will it be just another round of same old, same old?  Of oh kids these days? Of that’s not how we used to do it?

It does not have to be.  Tomorrow can be better…but it may take some pretty radical changes.

Too Much Information

TMI. More than you really wanted to know. We occasionally run into that in the workplace, check out lines in stores, restaurants, any place to people might share a bit more than we are comfortable with.  Of course, no where do you see this more than on Facebook – not just food photos (guilty as charged) but diatribes about ex-spouses, political views, and so very much more. Way too much.

I  remember letters with stamps. I remember when email was new and novel. I remember Myspace, Plaxo,   and the opening of Facebook to non-students. I remember when Twitter got overloaded and the whale symbol went up. Seen that lately? No.  Of course Google+ is still out there even though no one cares and then what happened with Ello, the next big thing?

The thing is we now have a real time debate with no real consequences for chucking civility. It is an angerfest, an axe grinding marathon, and sad mess. I’m taking a break for a week or month or  year or who knows. I am sorry if you enjoyed my event photos and will miss them (and congratulations to the folks who hated them and no longer have  to endure them).

If you want to hear about my adventures, I will post to this blog..but you will have to be proactive in looking me up, I will not be in your face on Facebook! For now.

And I am looking forward to less screen time and dusting off  my books, magazines, and the remote for TV news.

So happy posting to you and if you need me, FB messaging will probably not be as effective as an email or , gasp, a phone call. Hello?

The "Year in Review" is like old stadium cups: Empty

I will not be using the FB “year in review” nor perusing the many similarly titled articles in print and social media.  I remember enough of 2014 without prompting.  There were some great moments – travel,  time spent with friends, parties, events, and just serene moments.  And there were some pretty awful moments, mainly at funerals for people too young to be passing.  Every year is that kind of mix, I suppose, though the highs seemed a little higher and the lows a little lower this year.

I am very grateful for the people in my life. More than anything, I want to be fully in the present and working toward an engaging future, rather than re-hashing past.  There’ll be time for that later most likely.  Spontaneity is fun, but working toward something – career, hobbies, relationships, projects  – seems to make your luck happen rather than hope for it.

The retailers lead our subconscious into believing life is an endless loop for seasons and seasonal purchases – too much food for Thanksgiving, superfluous gifts for Christmas, fattening candy at Valentine’s, green beer at St Pat’s, and so on.  The cycle quickens and the years go faster when you live by rote…but grappling with any given day’s opportunities & challenges, looking that day square in the eye, figuring it out, and living. Well, that beats a mindless cycle.  Oh there is nothing wrong with traditions and seasons and annual events – just grab that day and squeeze some life out of it.

Don’t make a list of resolutions about exercise and weight loss (not that I’m against those goals) but make a lists of things you want to do and places you want to go…some of which might require you to be in slightly better shape!  I’ll definitely be more intentional about doing my morning push ups if there is a rock climbing adventure a couple of months ahead.  Okay, maybe I will not be rock climbing this year, but I’ll be doing something new & different. Because that is the engagement I need, we need, to be fully alive.

Have fun in 2015!

Everyone Deserves a Safe Community

Over the years I have had the opportunity to work alongside people I respect in neighborhoods as far flung as Mallory Heights and Collierville, Smokey City and Cordova, Beltline and Bartlett. No one I've met in any of these different places wants litter, drugs, gangs, and crime. We have more in common than you think.

Three people  were beaten by a mob  in a Kroger party lot while a 14-year-old was shot & killed while sleeping in his own bed.  Students were robbed on the U of M campus and an elderly man was beaten in a laundromat in Glenview.  Violence is everywhere and the victims are of every race, age, and income level. Press conferences will not stop it. Nor will bumper stickers or billboards.

People have different opinions about emphasizing policing vs parenting vs programs and more. I don't have answer, just an opinion.  I see two mandates for people who are willing to choose fight over flight:

•       Do not be a victim. Educate yourself about  protection and be ever vigilant.
•             Support  causes and/or programs that have a chance of turning a kid away from gangs and toward positive activities and associations.

It is not about race. It is about fighting evil.  Our weapons are will, determination, and engagement. 

Lest you think our town is boring

Fun things through the end of the year. Now go and enjoy!

8/30-31  Mid-South Music & Heritage festival

9/5         Art on Tap, Dixon

              Rock for Love, Crosstown
              Greely Myatt art opening, David Lusk Gallery
              David Sloas art opening, main library

9/5-10/12 Levitt Shell fall series

9/6         Zoo Rendezvous

              Rock for Love Overton Square

9/7         CHC Rock for Love,  Levitt Shell
9/9         Latino Memphis leadership luncheon, H I
9/10       Business Women's Conference, H I

9/13       Cooper Young Fest
               Russell George memorial fundraiser for Church Health Center, E&H

9/14       Stomp in the Swamp, Lichterman Nature Center
9/16      Yancy Villa art opening, JCC      

9/18       Art for Jobs, Advance Memphis

9/19       Emily Ozier art opening, CHC wellness
9/21       Best Burger Fest, Minglewood

9/26       Vin-A-Que, Brooks

9/28       Foodie Sunday at MidSouth Book fest

              SPAYtacular, Ecco

10/2       MIFA Feed the Soul, Warehouse

10/4       Blues Ball, Gibson Guitar

10/10-11  King Biscuit Blues fest, Helena

                 Pink Palace Crafts Fair

10/11     Opera Memphis Don Giovanni

10/17     Libration gala, main library

10/18     MEMfix, Edge district

10/24     Amy Hutchison- Jurgen Tarres art opening, CHC Wellness

10/25     Art on Fire, Dixon

10/25-26  RiverArtsfest
10/30     Tenn Shakespeare Co presents Richard III

10/31     Masquerade Ball,  Pink Palace

11/1       Magical Night at Overton Park
              Barnyard Ball, Memphsi Farmers Market

11/8       Orpheum Auction

              StreetDog Foundation Howl at the Moon, Warehouse
              Adapt-A-Door, Memphis Heritage

11/9       Cyclocross race, Greenbelt park

11/27     MIFA Thanksgiving Meal Delivery

12/25    Super T at Newbys

12/31    NYE hiding in a cabin somewhere